Helping a Senior Choose the Right Doctor

Finding the right doctor for an elderly person is a difficult quest, one that seems even more impossible if they have a terminal illness. Many patients with terminal illnesses have found that general practitioners are much less enthusiastic about providing care for them than patients with a “solvable” ailment. Others find a doctor willing to work to improve their quality of life as much as possible, but they are either compassionate, but incompetent; or competent, but have forgotten laymen’s terms and have aweful bedside manner: They’re like listening to a textbook.

Finding a doctor who is competent and has an excellent bedside manner is difficult, but possible, you just have to know where to look and who to ask.

Check with the local support group, particularly one specific to your illness. Many of these people have first hand experience with local practitioners and can tell you who to avoid, and who will potentially suit your needs. If your choices are limited, sometimes just being prepared for Dr. Textbook can really help (like bringing a list of questions).

Quality assurance checks are becoming more and more frequent in the field of medical care. Many doctors reports are free, others charge a small fee.

Online message board or chat groups are excellent sources of anecdotal feedback about caregivers.

Ultimately, you may not know if a doctor will suit your needs until you meet them, so be willing to keep searching. Medical insurance policies can make switching doctors difficult, but switching to a provider who will provide better care and communicate effectively with you could certainly be worth the hassle.

Attending a Support Group

Support Groups can be a touchy topic for many people, but they have been a lifeline for many more. When my father was diagnosed with a terminal illness, my mom dragged my dad to a support group specific to his illness. She needed to know all she could about what they were facing, she wanted to be as prepared and proactive as possible. At first my dad resisted strongly because he didn’t want to know what might happen to him, and he didn’t want to be depressed by what he thought would be a devestating look at his new reality.

They were both pleasantly surprised. My mom found support and encouragement from other care givers, and my dad was encouraged to find others facing the same challenges and pushing through them.

So why join a elder care support group?

For support group participants, these meeting prove to be more than just an empathetic experience, a sharing of woe, or “wow our lives are rough” sessions, but also creative problem solving sessions. Participants share what kind of home modifications, diet changes, exercises, and medical care had brought them relief and strength, as well as passing along current research, medical breakthroughs, and technological advances that might improve their quality of life.

Support groups are like a gold mine, giving you the chance to meet with other people who have done the legwork in your local area and found resources close to home such as doctors, caregiver support, social and community events, and educational or informational classes on your particular disease or related care topics. Patients and their family members can pass on names of highly recomended doctors as well as which medical providers to avoid.

In addition to being an excellent informational resource, support groups can provide emotional stability and encouragment, a safe and healthy arena to process through the difficulties of having a terminal illness or the challenges of providing care for someone who has a terminal illness. Knowing that you’re not alone, that there are others who understand what you’re going through can be so encouraging.

When Seniors Refuse Medical Care

No one likes going to the doctor, but some of us dread it. When your loved one’s health is in jeopardy, they may desperately need to see their physician. My own father strongly resisted going to the doctor’s office, fearing the worst: diagnosis of an incurable disease. No amount of begging and pleading would move him. When it became painfully clear to my brothers and I that Dad was not just “getting old” as he claimed, we decided it was time to have a family meeting to try to convince him to seek medical attention. Our approach was simple, yet effective.

Reinforce the main reason your having “the conversation”: Because of deep love and concern. Sometimes a parent will do things for his or her children that they wouldn’t do for themselves. Knowing the emotional and mental concern that is weighing on you may be enough to urge them to go get some answers.

Ask why your loved one resists going to the doctor. When we asked my father about this, we were shocked to learn for the first time that both of his parents had died ultimately because of a doctor’s mis-care (ignored x-rays showing deadly lung cancer, and overmedicating causing death). He had two substantial reasons to have a fear of doctors! Upon hearing this, we proceeded the rest of our family meeting with more understanding and gentleness.

Walk your loved one through the “what ifs.” Sometimes just speaking their real concerns out loud will be enough to remove fear of diagnosis and denial of health issues. What if it IS something curable? Getting quick relief and a doctor’s care makes sense. What if it is something incurable? There are many incurable conditions that will be slowed or respond favorably to medications, diet changes, or lifestyle changes especially when they are identified earlier rather than later. And what if it turns out to be nothing? Everyone will breathe easier just knowing.

Ask your loved one to mention your concerns at his next regular visit (unless more urgent care is necessary). Sometimes people are more willing to broach the topic casually at a regular checkup with a familiar physician they trust. After our family sit down, my mother was convinced and brought up our concerns at my dad’s next appointment. His Urologist was the one who finally convinced him to see a specialist about Parkinson’s Disease.

Offer to help make an appointment, provide support, and transportation to the doctor’s office. Sometimes just being there is enough to break through the fear or denial.

Choosing a Nursing Home

Our friend just went throught the ordeal of moving her grandmother to a nursing home. Grandma’s Alzheimers was getting worse. Getting her to eat was a battle at every meal, medication time was a fight. She needed more care than they could give at home. After years of in home care, it was time to turn to a nursing home for help.

Placing Mom or Dad in a nursing home can be such an emotionally charged experience. But for many people who need more intensive medical care, making the move to a nursing home is absolutely necessary. The process of selecting which home will be best suited to your loved one, can be complicated and overwhelming. But this process can be simplified by some quick prioritizing and simple checklists before you begin your research. Consider what are the most important things to you when choosing where to place your loved one?

Location

Keeping Mom or Dad in close proximity to family and friends is perhaps the most important consideration since frequent visits with familiar faces often make the biggest impact on a resident’s quality of life and positive mental health. Keeping close ties with family is more important than the asthetics of the grounds and buildings.

Nursing Home Quality Assurance Report

That said, doing a little online research before heading out to personally check each site can save you a lot of leg work. Top priority here would be to check the safety and quality assurance reports of each nursing home you are considering. Many items on your checklist will be addressed in those reports.

Quality assurance reports are usually done by a neutral, third party company, and are random checks on everything from occurrence of bedsores and neglect to having adequate, qualified staff. These safety reports can be obtained directly from the nursing home or may be found here. These reports identify Oregon Nursing Homes which have safety violations. These reports may give you an idea of which nursing homes you need to avoid.

Cost of Nursing Care

No one wants finances to be a deciding factor, but because of the high cost of nursing home care, unfortunately costs must be taken into consideration. Some nursing homes will accept Medicare. For a list of Oregon Nursing Homes covered by Medicare, click here. Other nursing homes are willing to work out a payment plan or have some kind of financial assistance. Check with the individual homes for more information on this.

Finally, with checklist and questions in hand, visit each nursing home to get a first hand look. Is this a place going to work for Mom or Dad? Request an appointment to go over any questions you might have. Making repeated visits on different days and at different times is recommended to get a more complete picture of what the nursing home is really like.

While not a particularly enjoyable decision to make, choosing a nursing home doesn’t have to be overwhelming. With a little preparation, you can make the decision with more confidence and find the place that suits you and your loved one the best.