When Seniors Refuse Medical Care

No one likes going to the doctor, but some of us dread it. When your loved one’s health is in jeopardy, they may desperately need to see their physician. My own father strongly resisted going to the doctor’s office, fearing the worst: diagnosis of an incurable disease. No amount of begging and pleading would move him. When it became painfully clear to my brothers and I that Dad was not just “getting old” as he claimed, we decided it was time to have a family meeting to try to convince him to seek medical attention. Our approach was simple, yet effective.

Reinforce the main reason your having “the conversation”: Because of deep love and concern. Sometimes a parent will do things for his or her children that they wouldn’t do for themselves. Knowing the emotional and mental concern that is weighing on you may be enough to urge them to go get some answers.

Ask why your loved one resists going to the doctor. When we asked my father about this, we were shocked to learn for the first time that both of his parents had died ultimately because of a doctor’s mis-care (ignored x-rays showing deadly lung cancer, and overmedicating causing death). He had two substantial reasons to have a fear of doctors! Upon hearing this, we proceeded the rest of our family meeting with more understanding and gentleness.

Walk your loved one through the “what ifs.” Sometimes just speaking their real concerns out loud will be enough to remove fear of diagnosis and denial of health issues. What if it IS something curable? Getting quick relief and a doctor’s care makes sense. What if it is something incurable? There are many incurable conditions that will be slowed or respond favorably to medications, diet changes, or lifestyle changes especially when they are identified earlier rather than later. And what if it turns out to be nothing? Everyone will breathe easier just knowing.

Ask your loved one to mention your concerns at his next regular visit (unless more urgent care is necessary). Sometimes people are more willing to broach the topic casually at a regular checkup with a familiar physician they trust. After our family sit down, my mother was convinced and brought up our concerns at my dad’s next appointment. His Urologist was the one who finally convinced him to see a specialist about Parkinson’s Disease.

Offer to help make an appointment, provide support, and transportation to the doctor’s office. Sometimes just being there is enough to break through the fear or denial.